I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
