My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
