i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Every concussion has its silver lining
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
