I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Randomize
