I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
