the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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