drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
How does it feel to date your dad?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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