new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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