How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
