Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
