Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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