i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Randomize
