First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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