Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
