So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
What a fucking waste of an outfit
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
