All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
