i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
