u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
