oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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