So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
