You made me cry and you don't even care
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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