Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
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