I bet he comes in French.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
