there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
