I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Sorry my hands just texted you
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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