Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
