This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
