i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
