Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Randomize