worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
