I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
It's shark week go big or go home
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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