Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
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