Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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