Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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