Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Randomize
