I must be too annoying 4 u.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
