As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
