that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
As shirtless as possible
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
