why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
