so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
how does that bad decision feel?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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