Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
