how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Randomize
