My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize