It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
