Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Randomize
