no, he came in my armpit
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Someone signed my nipple.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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