i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
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