I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
