is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
he had hair everywhere except his balls
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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