Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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