u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
