On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
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