Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
