Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
