Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
