Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
