I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
