So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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