Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize