Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
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