So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
