she looked like the before picture.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
