Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I'm sobbing to NWA
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